Healing = Speaking

For the past several weeks, I have shared some of the emotional and psychological context behind each of the interviews conducted for “a final peace”. In the 18-months that it took to finish the film, I learned more about my family than at any other time in my life. I also learned how much I didn’t know.

If there is an underlying message or theme to the film, it is this: get to know your family. Get to know your kids. When I think back to when my aunt Tina was molested the first time, it is clear that after her experience she began to show emotional signs of the abuse. The same is true of my uncle Tommy, my cousin Jason, and me as well. We all showed emotional signs of our abuse. 

Thus, the admonishment to all parents and stewards of children is to get to know your kids. Be attentive to any dramatic changes in their personalities or emotional behavior. Most children are fairly transparent when things are going wrong. Even teenagers will manifest some type of behavioral response to violence in their lives. But we will not see the signs unless we know our children’s individual personalities.

We cannot always be there to shield the ones we love from harm. Even though we do our best we are not always successful. Sometimes events overwhelm us and we are left to deal with the emotional wreckage and pain. When this happens, open communication is absolutely vital. That is the moral of the film. Incest, pedophilia, sexual abuse of any kind will ruin your life if you don’t talk about it. If you don’t endeavor to heal yourself you will always be a slave to the memory. Healing begins with talking about it openly and honestly.

I am forever grateful that I was able to make this film. I can honestly say that it has changed my life forever and for the better. In addition to what I learned about my family, and myself, I also learned how to make a film. But more importantly, I was able to demonstrate to other victims that there is no shame in surviving or, in speaking out.