Generous to a Fault


Last January, my parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. To call such a feat ‘remarkable’ is to understate the obvious. In this day and age, it is not remarkable for two people to stay married for 50 years, it is Herculean.

If you were to ask my parents for the key to their success, they would probably talk about having a good sense of humor, being a good listener, and learning to be supportive of one another through the good times and bad. But one thing they may not point to is their generous spirit.

Growing up, I had numerous opportunities to see my parents’ generosity in practice. They were always the first to offer their home to family members who had fallen on hard times; like my uncle before he went into the Navy. Most of the time, their kindness was appreciated by the recipients, and not used as an opportunity to take advantage of their kind nature. But now and again, as in the case of my uncle, their generosity resulted in personal heartache.

Prior to the film, my parents were unaware of the full extent of my uncle’s criminal behavior. They knew that he was a thief, a drug addict, and that as a child, he had been a victim of sexual abuse at the hands of his father. They also knew that while he was living in their home, he had behaved inappropriately towards me in a sexual way.

What they did not know was how their generosity had facilitated his sexual deviance, or  how they may have been able to stop him before he sexually abused my cousins. That revelation has caused them both a great deal of sadness, which is reflected in the clips chosen for this week’s blog.

The fact that both cared a great deal for Tommy and sought to help him to improve his situation in life is a testament to the kind of people they are. That he, in turn, abused their loving concern is not proof that they were wrong to share their home with someone in need. Instead, it demonstrates that we can never know someone’s true intentions, even when such are considered “close family”. And that sometimes ‘pursuing a higher path’ means taking risks that could have unforeseen and traumatic consequences.

Nevertheless, I continue to admire my parents for holding true to their generous nature, in spite of what happened with my uncle. Even though what resulted may have been a parent’s worst nightmare, I feel they should never regret their efforts to help. It is my firm belief that if all of the adults in my uncle’s life had been as kind and generous, there is no doubt he would have taken a completely different course.